Sex therapists share their advice on how to have a healthy and more fulfilling sex life.
MAY 31, 2021
· Reading : min.
Can you boost your sexuality? Yes, sexologists say so. To improve your sexuality, it is essential to understand the general psychology of love and desire, which we explain to you via these 10 tips:
1 – Communication is the key to a healthy sex life
Talking about sex can be awkward for many couples, although they commonly have sexual relationship. But experts say communication can help avoid problems.
“Talking about sex is just as important as having sex. It helps you assess what you want and build the language in which you can describe it. If you don’t feel comfortable talking openly and honestly about sex with a partner, then it will be difficult for you to share your desires or disclose concerns. Chavez said.
Chavez advises that sex talks shouldn’t just take place in the bedroom. He recommends talking about sex over a cup of coffee or tea in the morning, while taking a nice walk or snuggling up in each other’s arms.
2 – There is nothing wrong with being sexually attracted to other people
the attraction happens – even if you’re in a relationship and happy – and you don’t have to feel guilty for feeling it.
“Making a commitment won’t suddenly rewire our physiology to no longer feel desire or notice attractiveness outside of your partner! If you were attracted to people before entering the relationship, you will most likely be attracted to people during. It doesn’t mean that you want to pursue something sexual – or physical, or emotional – with this person. The belief that all sexual stimuli should be outlawed is a fear-based myth that underlies problematic sexual behaviors like assault and infidelity.” says Shadeen Francis, a marriage and family therapist who specializes in sex therapy.
Feeling the attraction is one thing, but acting on it is another.
3 – You should not judge your partner’s preferences
You may not always agree with your partner about what’s arousing, but judging your partner for how they feel isn’t constructive for your relationship.
“If your partner likes something you don’t like or understand, don’t make them feel ashamed during the discussion. As with any communication in a relationship, you want you and your partner to feel safe talking about your feelings and desires without judgment. If your partner brings up something you don’t like and really don’t want to try, be nice and honest about it. Or just take the risk and experiment if over time you lower your barriers! says sexologist Carla Rosinski.
4 – Never let sexual problems get worse
Many people let sexual problems go on for months or years unaddressed – experts advise that the sooner you get help, the better.
“My best advice is don’t let the problem drag on too long. Sometimes years pass and couples deny the problem or do nothing about it except abstain from sex or engage in sex with pity for their partner, then it is harder to solve the problem. says Schwartz.
5 – Don’t take sex seriously
Therapists say you shouldn’t take sex seriously.
“Good sex is fun and playful, so when you see a somersault turning into a boring or unpleasant time, try to have a sense of humor and think creatively. Trying something new can add fun and excitement to your sexual relationship: a new position, sexy music, romantic lighting, perfumes, lotions, lubricants…the possibilities are endless,” says Young.
6 – You must not do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable
The basis of a more fulfilling sex life is not forcing yourself to adopt behavior that you find disgusting. It’s about creating a safe and comfortable environment where you can explore sex. Discomfort and shame are the first things you need to reduce in your sexual relationship.
7 – You don’t have to be in a relationship
A more fulfilling sexuality already depends on the good that we can do for ourselves, and our knowledge of ourselves. People who are not currently in a sexual relationship can get to know themselves and their bodies and pleasure zones, especially if they have issues that prevent them from being intimate with other people, such as a history of sex. abuse or negative thoughts about sex. The sexuality is a vital part of all our lives and we can greatly benefit from individual work around it and how it intersects with other areas of life.
8 – Learn to give and receive pleasure
Some men and women need to stop thinking that sexuality is above all penetration. It is not limited to that. Sexuality is to please the other as much as the other pleases us through the body. It’s not selfish pleasure, so ask your partner what would make them happy rather than thinking about your own pleasure. It is sometimes important to tell the other to be more caressing, closer, to stimulate certain areas rather than others. On this condition, everyone gives and receives more pleasure.
9- Make very intimate caresses
Offer your partner sexual caresses with a gel or oil. It changes everything. This substance imitates the smoothness of vaginal moisture. The caresses are then closer to the impression of making love, bringing a very intimate contact. It’s up to you whether caresses lead to other games or not! Everything is possible.
10 – Learn to enjoy the pleasure of slowness
We would all benefit from understanding that it is useless to go fast and hard when making love. Often, slowing down the pace is much more enjoyable. A man often believes that the faster he goes, the more manly he is, and this is not true. As the vagina is sensitive to pressure, for there to be pleasant pressure, it is good to cause depression, so withdraw slowly to bring it about. In addition, men have everything to gain from it, since by moving slowly back and forth, they can make the pleasure last longer while providing more.