What is marital therapy used for?
the couples therapist being in active listening, attentive to the two protagonists in front of him, disentangles the main marital problems. He takes a step back and has a clearer, more impartial and neutral view of the situation presented to him.
He is therefore involved in accompanying and guiding his patients in a process of questioning, reflection, awareness, introspection, over time.
It helps to put down words, to file one’s grievances and frustrations, to further exteriorize one’s needs, one’s expectations, one’s hidden desires but also one’s limits, what one no longer wishes, and to be more attentive to the aspirations of the other. He comes with the couple to look at the problem as a whole and to understand the impact on their couple and their family.
The therapist helps to set up a communication within the couple, which is often extinguished, absent or misunderstood, he facilitates the exchanges by taking into account the past and the stories of each, he re-engages a dialogue between the two individuals to that everyone can listen to each other.
This allows both partners to renew ties, to find and start again on new healthier bases, established on more solid foundations, to redefine, revitalize their couple, which evolves over time.
the couples therapist gives keys, leads to get there but no ready-made solutions, it is up to the couple to find their own solutions. He is not a magician, nor a clairvoyant. Therapy requires commitment, investment and a desire on the part of both partners to find their own solutions,… time too, because there is awareness to be made!
When to consult?
As soon as the situation generates suffering and frustrations, aggressiveness, incomprehension, the couple cannot find solutions on their own.
Consult before the storm arrives and sets in, before it does irreparable damage.
What is successful therapy?
the couples therapist has no vocation for “absolute success” because it is the couple who finds their solutions or not! He only accompanies, guides.
As I said above, everyone must question themselves, there must be awareness and a will, an involvement of both to move forward.
The couple manages to manage, reinvents itself, moves in a positive way….. Very well the therapy is successful for them!
But if this is not the case or if one of the two, or both partners realize that they are no longer on the same wavelength, they can put an end in a consented and chosen way to the relationship, in calm… well the therapy is successful for them too.
Sometimes the couples therapy is not sufficient because one of the two partners is experiencing a deep difficulty which impacts his own situation but that of his couple, it is advisable to supplement it with individual therapy.