1) Can you talk face-to-face (not just texting) and do you spend time doing it daily?
My couple patients responded to a survey indicating that the average couple converses with full attention, with both partners away from all screens, only 28 minutes per week. It’s only 4 minutes a day! Isn’t this number staggering?
So remember to talk face-to-face and with attention as much as possible in order to have better communication and strengthen your ties. By increasing this quality communication time you will see your relationship improve and flourish.
2) Can you solve problems, resolve conflicts and therefore not hold grudges against your partner?
There will be conflicts but each time there is no resolution, it is like throwing dirt on a fire. The fire goes out. Likewise, with time, the passion subsides. Moreover, after the storm, some prefer to forget and put the problem aside. A bit easy and not very brave! Especially since the specialists are formal: we do not leave a conflict unanswered. We therefore clearly express the problem and we find a compromise together.
At the heart of the process of this communication during a conflict, activates a great capacity to understand the feelings of the other. It’s empathy.
3) Aren’t you stuck believing that “this relationship would be awesome…if/only/but…”?
“My relationship would be great if he had a job, …if she wasn’t so drunk so often, when he loses weight, if my family liked him,” etc. The reasons can be many and endless. Do you expect your partner to change or do you accept them as they are even if there are things that bother you?
Do you believe that what is bothering you will be magically resolved? Is the problem with “if only/but” a deciding factor?
Accepting the other as he is – as she is is the key. And it’s difficult because, instinctively, we seek to change the other, to make him understand that if he were, if she were like this or like that, the relationship would be much better. There are our criteria, our prejudices, our visions, our desires, our needs that make us seek to adjust our external relations to the contours of our personality. However accept the other with what we don’t like, with what annoys us, with his little quirks, his bad habits is the best way to tell him that he is important to us, that we love him.
4) Do you know what your partner likes about you?
Does he/she know your essence? He/she is independent of the way you look or dress or your physique. This reflects internal qualities such as empathy, compassion, sense of humor, consideration, politeness and much more.
Interestingly, many couples balk when asked to identify the essence of their partner. It does not bode well when a person has no idea what essence their partner possesses. This suggests that appearance, style, and other superficial qualities may be the driving forces in the relationship, which fade and change over time. Nevertheless, a person is free to appreciate such qualities and make this choice.
5) Are you treated with respect in your relationship?
It seems obvious, but many stay in relationships that are sometimes only good once in a while. Is it really enough?
Of course, every relationship has its ups and downs, but if the downs are more important, then it’s important to discuss them and see what could be done to fix them, and make the relationship more satisfying. People tend to stay in such intermittently reinforcing situations, even if they are frustrating and unsatisfying in the long run.
Do you have doubts about your relationship and want to talk about it? Our psychologists are at your disposal, and accompany you in therapy. Do not wait any longer to build a solid and healthy relationship.